Peter 3:15

But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord.

Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.

Peter 3:15

I just read this verse today and it dawned on me what I have been thinking the last couples of weeks. As we reached the benchmark of 6 months since Caelan died, Tommy and I had a few great cries. It has been a lot more controllable and the depth of the sorrow was not as harsh but still deep.

The gang of boys: Mark, Jon, Wesley, Ryan, Jenson and Ron came with Jessica, Carol and Liam the other day and celebrated my 4oth birthday. They are great big brothers and sisters to my boys and has played a great part of our family for years. It was a bit bitter sweet for me. It's almost like all my kids celebrating my birthday with the absence of Caelee. Of course, God will not forsake me in days like these.

Dr. Cadenhead, the doctor who delivered all 4 of my babies, called me "by mistake" (she meant to call a patient and dialed the wrong number) or "by fate" right before we were about to cut the birthday cake. We talked for almost half an hour. She kindly reminded me that I should forgive myself and comforted me by saying that maybe God realized He meant to give us a girl instead of another boy. I didn't know how to respond but that made me puzzled. When I returned to the party scene, I was in tears and confused.

Yesterday, my friend Ella came by and once again she comforted me and told me the same thing. Maybe God made a mistake... I didn't know what to say. It just happened that I had a copy of the sharing we did at church. I gave her a copy and then I realized what I said that day. I said God does not make mistakes and Caelan is not a mistake. His life had a purpose.

I need to remember always to set apart Christ as Lord in my heart and always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have with gentleness and respect. It was so profound and so rich. The truth and the comfort I need are simply in God's words. The moment my heart wanders and feels lost I ought to reset my mind and get back to His words where I can find hope and peace. I think that is kind of cool! Thank God!