It's has been a very strange day for me. Finally, I wanted to do a blog entry this morning since September. I wanted to remember Caelan on his 3rd birthday. I have been putting this difficult task aside for a long long time again. For the whole day, I tried to sign in the blog and I forgot how to do it until now. In the morning I was very calm and I thought I would be fine. After a good two years, I can handle anything...any type of events, celebrations or even anyone. The day was calm but friends began to drop notes, send emails and some gave me hugs and gifts. People remembered. I felt sad.
How horrible of a mother I am. I would rather have people forget about Caelan so I wouldn't have to be sad. I would rather have me stay cool and look good.
When the afternoon came, I began to break down. Finally, I got to cry out and let the emotions came out. I miss Caelan. I miss him dearly. I haven't felt that sad for a long long time. I realize it still hurts after so many years. Is it a good thing? I wonder...