Life is still difficult without Caelan. Everywhere you go, everyone you see seems to remind you so much of what I am missing...a family of six. More so, now that we are expecting another child. No, it is not easier or happier that we have some other "baby" that we are looking forward to meet. In fact, it makes the longing and missing so much more. Caelan is still so much in our hearts. Aidan says there will be a new baby but he will still miss Caelan. It's true that life can be easier if I keep myself occupied with things and tasks. I am all tired out at the end of the day and just want to fall asleep in front of the TV. It is time like this when I search through my heart and let myself go through the pain again that I realize how much I will always miss Caelan. Just one more kiss or one more hug...something that I will never be able to do until I see him again in heaven.
They say grieving is like learning how to put your emotions in a container. You learn to put the container sealed on a shelf. When you are ready, you can go and open it. Let the feeling search your heart. I am feeling how true it is. It doesn't mean that I am not sad when I am not thinking of Caelan. I am learning to let go. It's difficult but I am practising the art. I am mad that God doesn't let me have more time with my Caelan but I also know that there is no use to wrestle with Him. He must know what He is doing. It's all well with my soul because He is our Father of love. He will not hurt me without a good reason. I just have to say it is okay with my soul. One day I will know. sigh

Tonight I miss my Caelan a whole lot...