This is my 4th attempt to post something on my blog for the last two weeks. I did not post earlier drafts because I found the content not appropriate for the season. I was dealing with my mixed feelings towards this merry season. It's been difficult.
Christmas is about Love and Hope. To celebrate admidst my world full of pain means I must truthfully believe in the Hope that I have in Christ. Like many others, we have experienced deep despair this year. Even though our lives are forever changed, we must cling to the hope of things unseen. It is easy to blab these words out and pretend to be holy but do I really believe in that? I wonder.
As I am staring out the window, I see loads and loads of snow. The softness and brightness of fresh snow make me think of Heaven. It's like having a glimpse of Heaven where Caelan is. A place full of wonder and promises. In that wonderland, there is God. There is Caelan in God's office. In that wonderland where my precious son sings praises and smiles to worship God; this is a far better place. Just like snowflakes and stars, we are each uniquely made because He loves us. God is good and all knowing. He knows us better than we know ourselves, especially our limits. He knows my pain and the hollow place in my heart. He fills it up with love and ways that make me stand in awe. This record-breaking snow storm of the century...it meant a lot to me. I think this is a way that God is showing me that He is here, weeping with me. Anyway, this snow storm gave me and my family a convenient escape from the painful reality of the holiday season and into our own brief private retreat. I am a person with little sense of my own limits. I often take on too much and I have a lot of "things" on my to-do list. This snow storm forced us to stay home and take it easy. No work. No entertaining. No extended family gatherings. No hectic Christmas shopping. No visitors. Just lots of rest and lots of time spent with my boy boys. I realised that they have grown a lot since September. It is a blessing that I have the kids all to myself these past few days, without rushing around or extra stress from the outside world. I once again get to know every detail about them and reconnect with them. They are also happily spending time with each other. It is a blessing. Love takes time.
In the quietness and among the most spectacular snowy scene, the boys, Tommy and I continue to grieve for the biggest loss in our lives. We cry. We share our pain. We learn to love one other and we continue to learn how to let go of Baby Caelan. Most of all, Tommy and I learn to trust our Lord in the midst of this storm. I choose to trust Him for He is full of wonders!
Christmas is about Love and Hope. To celebrate admidst my world full of pain means I must truthfully believe in the Hope that I have in Christ. Like many others, we have experienced deep despair this year. Even though our lives are forever changed, we must cling to the hope of things unseen. It is easy to blab these words out and pretend to be holy but do I really believe in that? I wonder.
As I am staring out the window, I see loads and loads of snow. The softness and brightness of fresh snow make me think of Heaven. It's like having a glimpse of Heaven where Caelan is. A place full of wonder and promises. In that wonderland, there is God. There is Caelan in God's office. In that wonderland where my precious son sings praises and smiles to worship God; this is a far better place. Just like snowflakes and stars, we are each uniquely made because He loves us. God is good and all knowing. He knows us better than we know ourselves, especially our limits. He knows my pain and the hollow place in my heart. He fills it up with love and ways that make me stand in awe. This record-breaking snow storm of the century...it meant a lot to me. I think this is a way that God is showing me that He is here, weeping with me. Anyway, this snow storm gave me and my family a convenient escape from the painful reality of the holiday season and into our own brief private retreat. I am a person with little sense of my own limits. I often take on too much and I have a lot of "things" on my to-do list. This snow storm forced us to stay home and take it easy. No work. No entertaining. No extended family gatherings. No hectic Christmas shopping. No visitors. Just lots of rest and lots of time spent with my boy boys. I realised that they have grown a lot since September. It is a blessing that I have the kids all to myself these past few days, without rushing around or extra stress from the outside world. I once again get to know every detail about them and reconnect with them. They are also happily spending time with each other. It is a blessing. Love takes time.In the quietness and among the most spectacular snowy scene, the boys, Tommy and I continue to grieve for the biggest loss in our lives. We cry. We share our pain. We learn to love one other and we continue to learn how to let go of Baby Caelan. Most of all, Tommy and I learn to trust our Lord in the midst of this storm. I choose to trust Him for He is full of wonders!
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